Have you ever walked into your local coffee shop and thought to yourself, “Damn, I’m glad this barista is here to play Will Smith and fend off any potential threat of an Independence Day style alien invasion.” No? Me neither, but I don’t drink coffee or frequent coffee shops, so it might be more of a thing for all I know. No matter how unlikely of a premise it is, the game Coffee Crisis has come along to show us how that scenario would play out.

The game follows baristas Nick and Ashley as they battle it out with an alien force hell-bent on stealing Earth’s most precious resource – metal (the music, not the element). The thought alone sends chills down my spine, as a life without metal is hardly a life worth living (feel free to debate me, you’ll lose). The adventure sends the heroes down a familiar course of events that any beat ‘em up fan will recognize from the genre’s past. From a boss battle taking place on a crowded dug out, akin to the one found in Streets of Rage 2, to rooftop or back alley brawls that are staples of the genre. Every token element is included with the developer’s loving touch, rarely making the game feel like a straight up tribute or knockoff, resulting in an experience that is both familiar and new. The biggest change to the tried and true level design is the length of each level, as many of the stages are either a lot shorter or longer than the normal five to six minute range; some can take fifteen minutes or more to complete, and the longer levels almost overstay their welcome, especially if you have to restart them. If you include the fact that a few of the levels are duplicated after the mid-point of the game, a few stages are a bit of a slog by the time the credits roll.

Don’t get your hopes up too high with this though, as it is another game that incorporates rogue lite elements – some work well while others fall flat. Coffee Crisis plays out like a standard brawler, with our heroes working their way from the left to the right across the wonderfully rendered levels that would’ve won countless awards had it been released during the 16 bit era. The big change is the enemy rotation is randomized, which is fine and adds to the replay factor, but each encounter includes random modifiers that will make the game more or less difficult, and the way the information is provided to the player is by far the worst part – it scrolls quickly across the middle of the screen while the enemies are attacking you. I found the modifiers and lack of an option to turn them off to be a bit of a hindrance to what would be an otherwise stellar experience. The biggest reason behind this is not the challenge they add to the actual combat, but the way a number of the mods effect the visuals – many of them make it damn near impossible to play the game, as one essentially makes you play as if you were viewing it from a kaleidoscope, making the often times overwhelming number of enemies on screen a complete mess. If you happen to have this come into play during a boss battle with only a single life remaining, just rage quit and start over, because luck is not on your side and you will just be wasting your time.

The game’s difficulty is a bit on the steep side, with my impression of the normal difficulty to be more in line with the hard difficulty in similar games. Having dropped the difficulty down to the easy setting when playing co-op with my young son, I found some battles to still be quite challenging. The enemy designs are fairly eclectic, ranging from the elderly (yes, I do mean old people, walker and all), aliens in a few forms (my favorite being the Professor X looking mofo in a wheelchair who shoots lasers out of his brain), and your standard punk fodder. They are a fun group of rogues to duke it out with, although many of the waves are so obscenely large they create a jumbled mess, making it difficult to see exactly what is going on and where the hell you are, even when none of the visual mods are in play.

Our protagonists are fairly well equipped to deal with the alien menace (even though they are a bit slow paced, especially for people who you’d assume drink coffee all day), with a standard attack (which can be charged as a nice start or finish to a combo), a grab attack, and their unique special abilities which are limited by the health the player has, as each use takes away a sliver of health. Each character has their own combos and move set, with Ashley being a bit quicker but also weaker, and both characters lack in range. The only resolution to the range issue is picking up the random weapons or pickups that will drop from time to time. With the exception of using an alien arm that lets you not only attack enemies close melee style, but shoots projectiles, all of the weaponry is standard fare. The same can be said about the power-ups, which include additional lives, health pick-ups, damage buffs, or invincibility (Pro Tip: Just spam the special when you get this, since it won’t affect your health), complete with Super Mario Bros visual changes to your character.

The overall presentation is amazing as I stated earlier, with cameos from some lesser known metal bands (my favorite being Psychostick) as well as some slight snubs to Kenny Chesney who is included as a boss. The blistering metal soundtrack was catchy and will likely remain a personal favorite of mine, only being rivaled by Green Jelly’s inclusion in Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage. Taking it a step further as a tribute to the beat ‘em ups of generations past, the game uses a password system which I’m not very fond of, which also includes cheats (if you’re looking for these, I’ve included them all on a separate post here).

As far as replay value goes, this can be finished in just a few hours depending on your skill and the difficulty you choose. You’re given a total of three lives each time you start (or use a level password), which in co-op is shared between the players. You can earn additional lives by inputting a cheat, collecting random pick-ups, reaching score intervals, or by competing in a Mortal Kombat style event, with drinking coffee included as a less violent alternative. In single player I was able to complete most of the levels in one run, but with my son there was a struggle even on easy, often having to reload using the saved passwords. Once you’ve completed the game, there isn’t much else to do unless you like the whole randomized mod aspect, which I personally wasn’t a big fan of. Sure, you could replay the game on one of the more difficult settings or try out the alternate character, but I doubt this this will replace many gamers’ favorite in the genre.

Even with a few shortcomings, Coffee Crisis is a great addition for any fans of the genre; just don’t expect it to compete with the likes of Streets of Rage or Golden Axe as a favorite.

7 out of 10

Pros

• Great Retro Inspired Action
• Thrilling Music
• Wide Range of Baddies
• Punching Out Old People Never Gets Old
• The Use of Passwords

Cons

• The Forced Mods Yield Mixed Results
• Some Visual Elements Don’t Work
• Protagonist’s Lack Range
• The Use of Passwords

Coffee Crisis was developed  and published by Mega Cat Studios. It launched on the Sega Genesis/Masterdrive and PC in 2017, as well as X1 on August 15th, 2018 for $10.99. The game was provided to us for review on X1. If you’d like to see more of Coffee Crisis, check out the official site.

 

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